A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
