i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
