And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
