I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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