I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
