i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
