Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
