This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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