My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
