i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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