You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
