Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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