I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
