I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize