if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
