He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
