I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
