i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
