We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your penis caused this!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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