is your mom at the bar?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
