She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
