y did u give ur computer a hand job?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
