pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
