These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
