Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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