your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
