wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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