I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
