you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
