btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
