so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
