My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
