u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
there is glitter all over my balls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
