I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
