fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
