you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
