I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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