I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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