you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
