oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
