nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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