Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
