Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
