please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
