Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize