your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
