Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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