i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just had sex on a roof
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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