gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
