would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.