Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.