No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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