I cannot find my penis.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
two words...techno handjob
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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