I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.