i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
