apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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