Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
