Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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