broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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