oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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