New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
