i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
