Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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