do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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