Im at strip club and am horny
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
