fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
