Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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