Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
