So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
