He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Holy shit dude........stairs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
