Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
