I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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