just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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