I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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