I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
