Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
