Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
