It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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