who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
