I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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