Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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