im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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